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Friendship
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 Gay
Men's Friendships : Invincible Communities by Peter
M. Nardi
Based on surveys and interviews of two hundred
gay men, Peter Nardi's new study presents the first book-length
examination of contemporary urban gay men's friendships. Expertly
weaving historical and sociological research on friendship with
firsthand information, Nardi argues that friendship is the central
organizing element of gay men's lives. Through friendship, gay
identities and communities are created, transformed, maintained,
and reproduced. Nardi explores the meaning of friends to some gay
men, how friends often become a surrogate family, how sexual
behavior and attraction affects these friendships, and how, for
many, friends mean more and last longer than romantic
relationships. While looking at the psychological joys and sorrows
of friendship, he also considers the cultural constraints limiting
gay men in contemporary urban America--especially those that deal
with dominant images of masculinity and heterosexuality--and how
they relate to friendship.
By listening to gay men talk about their
interactions, Nardi offers a rare glimpse into the mechanisms of
gay life. We learn how gay men meet their friends, what they
typically do and talk about, and how these strong relationships
contain the roots of larger cultural forces such as social
movements and gay identities and neighborhoods. Nardi also points
out the political and social consequences when friendships fail to
provide support against oppression.
An intimate and informative look at gay life in
urban America, Gay Men's Friendships ultimately shows how
these relationships challenge the gender order of our society by
questioning how masculinity is constructed and by offering a model
for a more creative blending of gay and heterosexual masculinity.
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By Dave White, from celebratefriendship.org
Excerpt:
Some of the Best Girlfriends
are guys. Of course,
mainstream straight guys feel incapable of doing
“female” things like best girlfriend relationships—so most
of the male Best Girlfriends are gay. Few straight people know about gay men’s friendship
culture. But it is
there, nonetheless.
The old joke asks, “What do
lesbians bring on a second date,” and answers “a U-Haul
truck.” It asks,
“what do gay men bring on a second date,” and answers, “what
second date?” The
joke serves its function of reinforcing heterosexual gender roles,
but a more accurate answer to the second question might be,
“after the first date gay men decide to be friends instead.”
This is indeed a common progression in gay life—not from
friend to lover to spouse, but from lover to committed friend.
Go into a gay bar, and you will see not only pairs
of men dancing and kissing as “couples,” but also groups—and
these groups are often friends, or ex-lovers who are now friends...
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By Dave White, from celebratefriendship.org
Excerpt:
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Much
of the nonsexual affection our ancestors shared with their friends
is now labeled “gay” or “lesbian”—holding hands,
kissing, declaring eternal love, writing love letters, snuggling
in bed. Of course, sex was taboo in these friendships—many
historical cultures were quite against homosexuality, but
celebrated passionate same-sex love! |
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‘Romantic friendship’ involving these activities was socially
acceptable for most people in America and Europe at one time—not
just ‘gay’ people. It continued to be acceptable for
single men until 1880 and for women of all ages until the early
20th century! Hence, most of what straight people today
regard as “not part of their sexual identity” was quite common
in the past—and not seen as sexual. |
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Other cultures also had formal customs about intense friendship.
Native American cultures had ‘blood brother’ rituals—and
Hawaiian culture even included a ritual of opposite-sex platonic
friendship. (Thanks to this ritual, you could have both a
spouse and an intense opposite-sex friend, each celebrated with a
separate ceremony.) Some of these rituals granted friends
the legal powers and responsibilities of blood family
members—despite our modern belief that family has “always”
meant people who are genetically related... |
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By Rob G. from freetobeme.com
Introduction:
Whether at school, in your neighborhood, or wherever you are,
you likely have friends or acquaintances who experience same-sex
attraction. It may be that one of your close friends has told you
he experiences same-sex attraction. Or perhaps you wonder whether
another friend might be lesbian. Or maybe you know that someone
you've met once or twice is gay.
This article will help you relate well to any friend or
acquaintance who may experience same-sex attraction, whether or
not they have specifically come out to you.
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Try this click-through flowchart adapted from Gay
Men's Friendships: Invincible Communities by Peter M.
Nardi, published by the University of Chicago Press.
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These web links compiled by the students in
Pitzer College's Fall 1998 Freshman Seminar on Friendship.
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